found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
