i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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