I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need a beard to bite.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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