I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His nipple licking is glorious
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