Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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