i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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