Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
