I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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