we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
