Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
