My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
