i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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