we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
