Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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