Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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