You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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