I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
