I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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