I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
