Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
