erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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