Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
