The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
