You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She said her name was "party"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
