bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
