My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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