some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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