I can't watch pbs sober anymore
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
