The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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