You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
