why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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