Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
