I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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