She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
