why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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