One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
