Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
