im about as happy as oj after his trial
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
