just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
