god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
