Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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