I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I would fuck him just for his dog
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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