Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
