make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
