my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
