If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
