The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
