I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
my poor anus
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
