I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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