just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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