yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I could make wine with my vomit
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
